What is it with secrets? Why do so many people find it impossible to keep them? Why do they feel a need to share a secret having solemnly promised never to divulge it to another living soul?
I don’t pretend to understand this one. To me, a secret is a secret. You only tell if keeping the secret is going to seriously harm someone. If you can’t keep it then you should tell the person who is about to confide in you that –
(a) you cannot keep a secret
(b) you are the most indiscreet person on the planet
(c) while you normally can keep a secret, on this occasion because of the particular circumstances you would rather not.
Huge harm can be done by divulging other people’s secrets. Come to think of it, some pretty gigantic harm can be done by divulging your own, too. Look in the agony aunt’s pages, you will almost always find a letter that reads:
‘I have just slept with my husband’s brother/best man/sister/a hippopotamus; now I am wracked with guilt and wish to confess all. Should I tell my husband?’
The answer, in 99% of all cases should definitely be NO. Not if you think you have a good chance of getting away with it. It’s a secret between you and the best man, brother, sister (or hippopotamus, although they are the least of your worries, being known for their tact and ability to keep secrets.) Stay schtum. If you really are wracked with guilt then don’t do it again.
What you mustn’t do – above all – is to confide your secret to a third party. You cannot expect to tell your friend and swear her to a secrecy you were unable to keep yourself. Think of it – the stakes are nothing like as high for your friend as they are for you. You have that much more to lose.
Seeking the Green by Tylluan Penry, published soon by Capall Bann. For more info - watch this space!
